An Interactive Adventure: Dungeon Master

[Krika]

=> In commemoration of your recovery, set them on fire.

[Dryunya]

==> Hammerspace.

[eli_gone_crazy]

==> make them into a pie.

[narrativedilettante]

Selecting...

[narrativedilettante]

1. Put them somewhere? Nononono. You eat them.
2. You put them in an envelope and mail them to the Dungeon Prankster (That'll show her!).
3. Draw a funny mustache on the puppy.
4. In commemoration of your recovery, set them on fire.
5. Hammerspace.
6. make them into a pie.

The Random Number Generator has chosen 3.

While Gerald sets the flowers on a little table at your bedside, you pick up a pen (they spontaneously generate in empty places, remember) and start drawing on the card. You give the puppy a mustache, and go on to add a crown and a little cape behind him. When you show it to Gerald, he laughs and says, "Look, it's King Puppy!"

"WHO'S CALLING ME A PUPPY?" A recognizable voice booms from the hallway. The King enters your room, holding a bowl of grapes. Gerald tries to hide the card from him, but the King snatches it from behind Gerald's back. You cringe as you see an expression of pure offense cross the King's face. "I suppose the two of you think this is pretty funny." Fixing you with that penetrating stare of his, the King says, "I'll go easy on you because you're ill. But you," he continues, turning to Gerald, "Will accompany me to my throne room and provide an explanation." He puts the grapes on the table alongside the flowers. "Get well," he mutters to you as he puts an arm around Gerald's shoulders and leads him out of the room.

Now, Dungeon Master, you need some rest. I don't think you're going to be making many important decisions until you've recovered a little. Gerald, on the other hand, has all sorts of decisions coming up. I'm going to address him now.

Hey, Gerald! Yeah, you. The accountant. The King has just marched you all the way to the throne room and is now staring through your very soul, demanding that you defend your behavior. What do you say to him?

[Dryunya]

==> "Whatevah, whatevah! I do what I want!"

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

==> "In my culture, comparison to a puppy is the highest compliment known to man."

[narrativedilettante]

Selecting...

[narrativedilettante]

1. "Whatevah, whatevah! I do what I want!"
2. "In my culture, comparison to a puppy is the highest compliment known to man."

The Random Number Generator has chosen 2.

You explain to the King that, in the land where you were born, puppies were regarded with utmost respect. Depicting an individual as a puppy indicated that the individual in question was beloved and above reproach. You've been teaching the Dungeon Master the ways of your people, and the act of drawing on the card was a means by which the two of you were able to share in your high regard for your King.

The King is moved by your speech, a tear dripping down his cheek. Both the flattery and the love that has formed between you and the Dungeon Master move him to pardon you. "You should get back to the hospital!" He declares. "Be with the one you love!"

You bow and graciously excuse yourself from the King's presence.

The whole thing about your culture admiring puppies was fabricated, of course. You were orphaned at a young age when the King destroyed your people's homeland, and while you remember a few things from that part of your life, the vast majority of your cultural heritage was lost forever.

You DO remember your parents using their mind powers, usually to get you to sit still or to clean up juice after you'd spilled it. Without training, though, it's taken you well into middle age to gain a partial mastery of your abilities. When you finally made the love of your life return your feelings, it was the cumulation of a lifetime's worth of practice. Even that didn't work perfectly, though. Based on this morning's outburst, it seems you need to be awake and consciously influencing the Dungeon Master's thoughts for those feelings to be maintained.

The King has sent you back to the hospital, but it's likely the Dungeon Master will be asleep for the rest of the day. You might want to take advantage of this time by getting some rest yourself, running some errands, or maybe picking up another gift to present to your true love.

What do you do?

[JackAlsworth]

==> Buy a large chocolate fountain for the Dungeon Master, ignoring chocolate's inherent mind-power-dampening properties.

[eli_gone_crazy]

=> do the macarena

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

==> Buy enough puppies to fill the Dungeon Master's hospital room, and fill the room with the puppies.

[Dryunya]

==> Gather all spontaneously appearing pens in a huge pile.

[RussetDivinity]

Arrange to be constantly near the Dungeon Master. Oh, and keep a steady supply of coffee on hand.

[narrativedilettante]

Selecting...

[narrativedilettante]

1. Buy a large chocolate fountain for the Dungeon Master, ignoring chocolate's inherent mind-power-dampening properties.
2. do the macarena
3. Buy enough puppies to fill the Dungeon Master's hospital room, and fill the room with the puppies.
4. Gather all spontaneously appearing pens in a huge pile.
5. Arrange to be constantly near the Dungeon Master. Oh, and keep a steady supply of coffee on hand.

The Random Number Generator has chosen 3.

The Dungeon Master loves puppies. Well, you assume so. Your card received a positive response, and doesn't EVERYONE love puppies, really? Besides, even if the Dungeon Master doesn't love puppies, you can use your mind powers to change that. Unless, of course, doing so takes up enough of your energy that there's not enough left to keep the Dungeon Master in love with YOU...

But you'll just have to figure that out when the time comes. For the moment, you want the love of your life to have something pleasant to wake up to, and nothing could conceivably be more pleasant than a room full of puppies.

You head to the local animal shelter, and adopt all fifteen of their puppies. An attendant helpfully loads all of the puppies into a cart for you, each in its own little puppy cage. There's no one at the hospital to help you unload, so it takes a long time, but thankfully the Dungeon Master is still asleep by the time you're done. There. Perfect. A room full of happy, fuzzy little critters to greet the Dungeon Master as soon as this nap is over.

A nurse comes into the room to check on something. She sees the puppies, and (in a whisper, so as not to wake the patient) tells you that animals are NOT PERMITTED in the hospital, under any means.

Uh-oh. You don't want to get in trouble with the medical community. They know where all your organs are.

What do you do?

[eli_gone_crazy]

=> Replace all your organs with puppies!

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

==> Use your mind powers to convince her that animals are REQUIRED in the hospital, at all times

[Krika]

=> Explain that Dungeon Master needs to have this many puppies near him when he sleeps due to a rare condition.

[Victin]

==> Realize the reason animals are not permitted in the hospital is because they turn into something disgusting and horrible when within hospital grounds, after a delay that ends... now

[Pixelmage]

-> Use one of the spontaneously appearing fly pens (tm) to fake hospital papers authorizing this exception to the presence of animals.

[RussetDivinity]

Remind her just who does the taxes around here, and does she really want to make you angry?

[narrativedilettante]

Selecting...

[narrativedilettante]

1. Replace all your organs with puppies!
2. Use your mind powers to convince her that animals are REQUIRED in the hospital, at all times
3. Explain that Dungeon Master needs to have this many puppies near him when he sleeps due to a rare condition.
4. Realize the reason animals are not permitted in the hospital is because they turn into something disgusting and horrible when within hospital grounds, after a delay that ends... now
5. Use one of the spontaneously appearing fly pens (tm) to fake hospital papers authorizing this exception to the presence of animals.
6. Remind her just who does the taxes around here, and does she really want to make you angry?

The Random Number Generator has chosen 5.

As the nurse berates you, a handful of pens float around the room. That's nothing extraordinary. A few of the puppies start chasing one.

"Hold on," you say, "the Hospital Administrator gave me something to show anyone who said that. I think I have it in here..." You start digging through your briefcase. (Of course you're carrying a briefcase; you are an accountant, after all.) You start flicking through a sheaf of papers, deliberately dropping a few onto the floor. Then you telekinetically grab one of the flying pens and, while the nurse is distracted watching your hands shuffling papers around, you forge a letter from the Hospital Administrator stating that exactly fifteen puppies may be present in the Dungeon Master's room, no more, no less.

You're much better at using telekinesis to forge documents than you are at brainwashing people to do your bidding. The former skill is one you've had a lot of opportunity to practice.

Once you've written the document, you make a show of realizing that some of the papers have fallen to the floor, and you pick them all up, stacking them neatly and carefully examining each of them.

"Here we are!"

You hand her the letter. Presumably she's not well-versed in the art of document verification, or else she'll notice that the ink is still fresh. She reads it with an expression of disbelief, then hands it back to you. "I... guess that's all in order, then," she says, shaking her head. "Can't say I understand why the Administrator would allow this but... okay, carry on."

"Thank you," you say, as she leaves the room. It's not like she did anything that you should be thanking her for, but you like to be polite.

Now.

How were you planning to take care of fifteen puppies?

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

==> You just sort of assumed the puppies would take care of themselves. It's about time they learned responsibility.