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Switch places with a prisoner to throw her off guard

==> Hide in the food.

==> Take your herbs, breathe deeply and remember that Dungeon Trickster is merely your other personality.

OR

==> If all else fails, throw a bitchin' guitar solo. Right next to the boombox guy, just to rub it in.

==> Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.

=> Make yourself look busy and hope she'll ignore you.

Selecting...

I know Sophira disallows multiple suggestions per person, but I think I'll accept them. If they get out of hand, I may change my mind, but for the meantime let's say they're okay.

1. Switch places with a prisoner to throw her off guard
2. Hide in the food.
3. Take your herbs, breathe deeply and remember that Dungeon Trickster is merely your other personality.
4. If all else fails, throw a bitchin' guitar solo. Right next to the boombox guy, just to rub it in.
5. Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.
6. Make yourself look busy and hope she'll ignore you.

The Random Number Generator has chosen 1.

The Dungeon Prankster focuses her attention on you, and never targets the prisoners. That fake cell door is in a location where the prisoners can't even see it. Wouldn't it be nice, just for a little while, to have her focus on one of them instead?

You open the first door. This prisoner is gaunt. He almost never eats anything, even when you give him extra gruel to try to fill him out a little. You pick him up and set him outside the door, which you then close behind you.

The prisoner can't escape without your keys, which you've got right here in your hand. You don't bother locking the cell door, since all that would do is make it harder to escape. You watch through the screen in the cell door as the prisoner enjoys his newfound minor freedom. He now has the run of the whole dungeon!

Allowing prisoners to have the run of the whole dungeon is specifically prohibited in the Dungeon Master rulebook. How will you ever explain your erratic behavior to the King?

==> "She turned me into a newt!"

=> I'm afraid I appear to have taken leave of my senses and require a vacation in order to clear my head in order to return to proper working condition.

==> "I knew the prisoner would just get eaten by our resident pet grue anyway, so I figured what's the harm?"

==> Find an unoccupied cell to hide in.

==> "It was the closest thing I could get to a comedy. It gets boring here sometimes".

Selecting...

1. "She turned me into a newt!"
2. I'm afraid I appear to have taken leave of my senses and require a vacation in order to clear my head in order to return to proper working condition.
3. "I knew the prisoner would just get eaten by our resident pet grue anyway, so I figured what's the harm?"
4. Find an unoccupied cell to hide in.
5. "It was the closest thing I could get to a comedy. It gets boring here sometimes".

The Random Number Generator has selected 1.

Thankfully, the rest of the work day progresses without disruption. You hide in your chosen cell until it's time to do a final check on all the prisoners, and then you get out and find the one you swapped places with. He's lying on the ground, face covered in pie, no doubt the work of the Dungeon Prankster. Apparently he likes pie more than the gruel you usually feed him, because he keeps licking at his face. Maybe you should have pie on the dungeon menu for a while to see if it improves general health and morale.

Once the pie-faced prisoner is back in his cell, you head back upstairs and into the Throne Room. When you enter, the King glares down at you, and you shiver, feeling as though he can see every misstep you've made during the whole day, nay, your whole LIFE. (The King makes everyone feel this way, but you don't know that.)

"So," the King rumbles, "What do you have to tell me about today?"

This is the same question the King asks every day, but it feels like such an accusation! Like he's just waiting for you to come clean about your improper conduct.

In a moment of panic, you shout the first thing that pops into your head.

"She turned me into a newt!"

The King looks surprised, and then confused, and then both at once. "Who?" He asks.

"The Dungeon Prankster. She... turned me into a newt?" You inflection betrays your discomfort with this tactic. The King glares down at you, clearly observing that you are not, in fact, a newt.

Before you can think to say something ameliorating, perhaps suggesting that after you turned into a newt you got better, a handful of guards enter the Throne Room. They bow to the King, and one of them announces that there is trouble on the border.

"Well. We can't have that!" Shouts the King, and he runs out with the guards following behind him, leaving you alone in the throne room.

There's no one here to watch you. You could do anything. You could sit on the throne, and pretend to be the King. You could hide behind the curtains and hope to observe secret meetings. You could find out whether or not the chandelier will take your weight, in an attempt to finally prove to your mother that she was completely wrong to worry that time when you were a kid. The throne room is all yours now.

What do you do?

==> Look for valuables to steal.

==> Examine the nearby furniture for hidden snack compartments.

==> Prisoners are prisoners, but the King is the King, and you refuse to mess with the King and his throne room. You think the kitchen is the a neutral place, though.

Move all the furniture one inch to the left

==> Replace the throne with a baby's high chair from the prison's stock room and see if he notices.

(I'm sorry.)

==> Put a whoopie cushion on the throne.

I regret nothing.

=> Start measuring the throne room with in your head. The whole castle could use a remodel, and it would look nice in the Dungeon-style, after all.

Selecting...

1. Look for valuables to steal.
2. Examine the nearby furniture for hidden snack compartments.
3. Prisoners are prisoners, but the King is the King, and you refuse to mess with the King and his throne room. You think the kitchen is the a neutral place, though.
4. Move all the furniture one inch to the left
5. Replace the throne with a baby's high chair from the prison's stock room and see if he notices.
6. Put a whoopie cushion on the throne.
7. Start measuring the throne room with in your head. The whole castle could use a remodel, and it would look nice in the Dungeon-style, after all.

The Random Number Generator has chosen 3.

The King's already pissed off at you. You got off easy with that border disturbance. It's unlikely anything as fortuitous as a breach of your kingdom's defenses will occur twice in one night.

But... the throne room isn't the only room in the castle. Hell, you work in a different room than the throne room. But the dungeon isn't the room you're thinking of.

When you saw that prisoner's face covered with pie a while earlier, it really made an impression on you. You can't get it out of your head! Pie smearing against skin and nostrils and eyelashes... it's so messy, so uncomfortable, and so delicious.

You leave the throne room, pass the dungeon entrance, pass the door by which you usually leave the castle to go home, and head straight to the kitchen. The cook usually has a few pies set out in case the King wants a midnight snack. The cook also makes sure to get the hell out of the kitchen because the King's midnight snack rampages are notorious.

The kitchen contains all sorts of fun things. There's a giant oven, a rack full of knives that could rival your collection of torture implements down in the dungeon, and loads of preserved meats hanging from the ceiling. Your focus, though, is drawn to the table in the middle of the room. It is covered in pies. There's apple, cherry, pumpkin, rhubarb, triple berry, coconut cream, chocolate satin, and your absolute favorite, banoffee.

What do you stick your face into first?

The apple pie, so long as it's warm and covered in ice cream.