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==> Superman.

==> The duck hunter, in advanced state of undeath

1. The legendary Wereduck.
2. A particularly fetching duck of the opposite gender to you.
3. Baralgnur, Eater of Dimensions.
4. Just a normal passerby.
5. The duck hunter's brother, out for revenge.
6. Superman.
7. The duck hunter, in advanced state of undeath

Online 1d7 = 2.

You look up eagerly and as soon as you see who it is, you feel yourself starting to blush. Thank goodness the feathers hide it somewhat, or you'd be as luminescent as the arms you're holding. Because there's another duck standing there, at the far end of the bridge. And not just any duck. This duck... the thing about this duck...

This is the duck you used to sit behind in high school functions, and the reason why you almost failed functions for a semester because this duck always had one feather loose at the back of the neck, just dangling over your desk, and you wouldn't be able to help spending all functions class daydreaming about that feather. Sometimes you'd rub your hand under the feather, letting it tickle you lightly without its owner noticing. Sometimes you'd just fantasize about tugging on it, to get the duck's attention, or absentmindedly caressing that lovely loose feather as you and the incredibly attractive duck in front of you made out.

Until right now, you were pretty sure this duck had no idea who you were, or that you existed, and you were fine with that. It allowed you to get on with your crush in peace, without embarrassing yourself, without the pain and humiliation of rejection that would inevitably come if you declared yourself because, let's face it, most of the other ducks thought you were a bit weird and why should this special, fantastic, breathtaking duck be any different?

Only your hypothesis of "I'm safe, my crush doesn't know I exist" is a little blown out of the water by the fact that this duck is currently standing on the far side of the bridge, watching you, has presumably been watching while you taxied back and forth along the bridge waving a pair of glow-in-the-dark arms like a lunatic. Not even the water squelching comfortably around your feet can help you feel better now, and so you pull your feet back onto the bridge as though to punish yourself preemptively, as though to simultaneously pull yourself together.

Only you can't pull yourself together. Not when this duck is walking closer to you and all you can think of is how incredibly attracted you feel and you wonder if this duck still has that loose back-of-the-neck feather and if now would be a good time to touch it and THE DUCK IS GETTING CLOSER AND YOU CAN'T THINK AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

=> Shriek and fall off the bridge.

Dryu's shoulder devil wrote:Punch her! Punch her!

Dryu's shoulder angel wrote:Go with the story, go with the story...

==> Sweat profusely; ask her about the feather, mumbling like an idiot.

(How did it not occur to me that our protagonist is a duck? It's even in the title... I am not smart.)

=> Fail to say anything coherent.

Offer her one of the arms as a gift.

Sophira wrote:(How did it not occur to me that our protagonist is a duck? It's even in the title... I am not smart.)

Haha don't worry Soph I was deliberately non-specific about it. I hadn't decided whether the protagonist was a duck or not until RNG selected Krika's last answer which implied that to be true, just as I won't make the other duck's gender explicit until I roll an answer which requires it.

(Answers are still open in here, I just wanted to respond to this)

Qara-Xuan Zenith wrote:

Sophira wrote:(How did it not occur to me that our protagonist is a duck? It's even in the title... I am not smart.)

Haha don't worry Soph I was deliberately non-specific about it. I hadn't decided whether the protagonist was a duck or not until RNG selected Krika's last answer which implied that to be true, just as I won't make the other duck's gender explicit until I roll an answer which requires it.

(Answers are still open in here, I just wanted to respond to this)

(I was avoiding deliberate references to species because I wasn't certain what the intention was. Now we have a framework.)

1. Shriek and fall off the bridge.
2. Sweat profusely; ask her about the feather, mumbling like an idiot.
3. Fail to say anything coherent.
4. Offer her one of the arms as a gift.

1d4 = 1.

Oh god oh god oh god the duck is coming closer what do you do what do you DO?

You're unable to think up a plan in time that makes you seem suave and cool and debonair and desirable, and as the duck approaches you just revert into panic mode. Letting out an embarrassing squawking noise that is a horrible, Frankenstein-style crossbreed of a quack and a shriek, you lose your perch and go tumbling off the bridge, which conveniently, as you noted before, has no railings to prevent that sort of thing.

"Nice going," you tell yourself. "You really made yourself look good there." You're being sarcastic. You're also not sure if you remembered not to say that out loud. But you have bigger things to worry about. On the bright side, your feet are in the water. On the down side, so is the rest of you and you're soaking wet which normally isn't a problem but you look like a total Melvin in front of the duck that you particularly wanted to impress.

"Are you... quite all right?" asks a voice that sounds, at the same time, concerned, weirded out, and unbelievably attractive. A neon arm bobs up and down in the water beside you. Deep down, you know you've ruined any chance you ever had at caressing that cute little loose neck-feather, if it's even still there.

What do you say/do in answer?

=> "I'm perfectly fine. Feel free to go about your business."

=> Stutter unintelligibly for a few moments before managing to say "Hi?"

==> How you doin'?

"I just fell for you. Do you want a glowing arm?"

You'd be lying, because you've been harboring that crush for your entire life.

Dryunya wrote:You'd be lying, because you've been harboring that crush for your entire life.

I believe you mean I'd be charming that duck with a pun. Ducks love puns.

1. "I'm perfectly fine. Feel free to go about your business."
2. Stutter unintelligibly for a few moments before managing to say "Hi?"`
3. How you doin'?
4. "I just fell for you. Do you want a glowing arm?"

1d4=3

You give the attractive duck an overdone, suggestive wink, and ask, "How you doin'?" There. That was smooth. Definitely smooth. You've now shown yourself to be a suave, level-headed, seductive duck. In Backwards Land.

Unfortunately for you, Backwards Land is three lakes over and several miles to the west.

On the bright side, the duck doesn't seem to have been so turned off by your terrible comeback as to leave right away, or punch you in the face. Instead, the duck raises an eyebrow, which impresses you, because you hadn't even realized that ducks could have eyebrows. "I asked first," your crush points out.

"Oh. Um. Right. Yeah. I guess so." Looks like you're all out of cheesy lines, which, under the circumstances, might be a good thing. "I mean, I guess you asked first. But I also guess I'm all right. That's good. Right? How are you? Doing? How are you doing, I mean?"

"I'm good. You're all wet," the duck pointed out.

"Um. Yes. Want a swim?"

"Uh..."

"Do you still have that feather on the back of your neck?" you blurt, cutting off what was probably a polite refusal. You want to disappear at this point. Or teleport. That would be handy. What were you thinking? Why did you ask that?

Actually, don't answer that. Instead, answer this: How does the attractive duck respond?

"No. I plucked it a few weeks ago because I thought it looked weird."

The attractive duck blushes furiously and says "Oh, um, you mean this feather?" while turning around to show you.

=> "What are you talking about?"

"You know my secret. You cannot be allowed to live."