1. "He died doing what he loved. Trying to take over the world."
2. You forget his family was part of the village on one of your testing sites. Fortunately, giving your condolences to inanimate coral is much easier.
3. "I'm sorry for your loss. Please accept this gift of homemade cheese."
4. "He died doing what he loved.... Gerald the accountant."
5. You're a mad scientist... death isn't a barrier to you. You can easily bring him back to life, all you need is a little bit of this, and that, and maybe about 1.21 gigawatts of power...
6. You forget his family was part of the village on one of your testing sites. Fortunately, giving your condolences to inanimate coral is much easier.
The die roll (I get to use a die!) is... 6.
Oh, right. He doesn't have a family. At least, not anymore. Ethan lived in a seaside village that you used for a test, and the village is now completely underwater, with all its inhabitants having been replaced by brightly colored coral with the ability to track down anyone who pollutes in the area and feed them to laser-sharks. The experiment was a success for the environment, but rather less so for the families of those involved. You gave them generous bonuses as recompense for their loss, along with tickets for an ocean cruise. A coral reef won't be able to do very much with money or apologies, but you could at least send a nice fruit basket. You're pretty sure fish like fruit, and if they don't, that's easy to change.
You can have one of the minions handle that, and an intern will clear out Ethan's body and arrange for a funeral. Perhaps he ought to be sent out with the fruit basket so he can rest with his family. A skeleton might make a nice addition to the reef. In the meantime, you have a Fondue Fest to get to.
The cheese tastes as delicious as it looks, though you only let yourself eat one bite. After all, you want to leave some for the festival, and you'd rather not have to go through this again. There's only a limited supply of milk in the company fridge, and you don't want to lose another minion because they're not fast enough to get away from the accelerator. You bring the cheese to the kitchen, cut it out of the plastic container, and put it in the fonduer. Other participants might have fondue pots, but you have a handmade fonduer that can turn absolutely anything into a fondue, as you discovered to the delight of science but the dismay of little Anna on "Bring Your Kid and Their Ferret to Work Day". Luckily, it cleans far more easily than normal fondue pots, and it wasn't hard to get the ferret fondue out and into the fridge for the staff potluck later that week.
You fondue the cheese, put a little sticky note on the bowl saying "Fondue Fest: Do Not Eat", and head back to your lab to finish your experiment on the dread glass armonica. There should be just enough time to get some work done before the festival.
What were you going to do with it, again?
Jubilation and despair are two sides of the same coin.