1. Convert it into fuel for your ecological robot.
2. Shoot his body into outer space, no environment for it to ruin there.
3. Send him into the past. Let the past you handle it as payment for having fun at the Fondue Fest at your expense.
4. Shoot his body into the sun, giving him the best funeral ever.
5. Throw the body into the sea anyway, then develop the purifying agent and sell it to Kayak-Man at markup.
6. Put him in a jar and then into exhibition. Everyone must see how much of a great minion Ethan was.
Die roll says... 3.
You can't think of any way to handle this yourself without causing devastating consequences. That means there's only one thing to do: make him someone else's problem.
You haul Ethan's body back into your robot and march on home, pausing only to flip Kayak-Man a robot bird. You really hate that guy.
The trip home is surprisingly quick, mostly because you already have a clear trail caused by your rampage toward Fondue Fest. You do your best to avoid stepping on any of the rescue crews. Most of them are very nice people, and you don't want to be that jerk that squished a fireman. You'd rather be the one who gave the firemen fireproof skin. Maybe that would be a good birthday present for the fire chief. It would be a complete surprise, but that would only make it a better present. You make a note to find out the chief's birthday so you can arrange a party.
Everyone is surprised to see you home so early, but when you tell them about meeting past-you and having to seal off the space-time rift, they understand and help you unpack Ethan. Until now, you hadn't really been sure whose problem to make him, but now that you've told everyone what happened, you know exactly what to do.
"To the Space-Time Rift Opener!" you shout, and everyone races off to Lab 76. Once there, you open a controlled space-time rift that's connected to past-you, who looks to be having a great time at Fondue Fest. That asshole.
Two of your minions wheel Ethan's body over to the rift and dump him in. If you've set it up right, he'll land on top of the other Ethan's body and become past-your problem.
"That solves that," you say, dusting off your hands and closing the rift. Just at that moment, a second space-time rift opens, just above your head, and something falls out, landing at your feet. What is it?
Jubilation and despair are two sides of the same coin.