Interactive Adventure: Mad Science!

[RussetDivinity]

Selecting...

[RussetDivinity]

1. Transform it into a rainforest.
2. Teleport it into the ocean. That'll show Kayak-Man!
3. Turn the city into a giant robogolem, and use the academy to form the head.
4. Turn it into a sandwich and use it to feed the homeless!
5. Take over it and become the Headmaster!
6. Create an elaborate scheme to disguise your newest minion - Ethan's replacement - as a new student to slip her inside the academy and then manipulate her fellow students into trying to break reality for the scholarship using a specific failed design of your own that will in fact simply open a portal to the conceptual plane within which dwells the ruler of all bees, who shall rise forth from within her honey-and-hexagon-filled kingdom in the void to smite the academy in its entirety. If you succeed, then you destroy the academy. If you fail, then nobody can trace it back to you, you yourself can blame it on your minion, and if your minion couldn't accomplish such a simple task, she wasn't worth hiring in the first place, and you've just saved yourself a great deal of time training her only to regret it later.

Die roll says... 6.

"Lucy! I have a job for you!"

The bright-eyed young woman races over and you realize that she reminds you of yourself at that age. You used to be so eager to show them, show them all. What happened to that youthful eagerness? "What is it?" she asks.

"You're going to help me take over my academy."

Her eyes light up. She was recently rejected by the academy for her ideas not having enough scope, and you quite agreed with their decision. Lucy could be a mad scientist, but she doesn't have the drive it takes to take over the world. At most, her ambitions extend to the tristate area. You're sure she would make a great minion anyway, and as soon as she applied, you hired her and offered as many benefits as it would take to keep her. "Will I get to show them?" she asks.

"You'll get to show them all," you say, and you tell her your plan, most of which is made up on the spot. You're sure it will work; after all, the bee dimension is very easy to reach, and once the bees have taken over the academy and made it into one massive beehive, there will be a boost in the local honeybee population, which can only be good for the environment.

Lucy nods and agrees in all the right places -- another sign she'll make a good minion -- and heads off to see Charles, the head of your espionage program. He'll get everything set up for her, and she'll be enrolled by tomorrow. After that, it should take only a few months for Lucy to sufficiently break reality, and then she can come back and be a minion again. You'll have to throw a party for her return. Maybe with cake.

Now, what did happen to your youthful eagerness?

[narrativedilettante]

It died along with your mentor, Dr. Wilbur Warthog.

[Endless Sea]

It shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

[Victin]

It left my body after that strange wart on my back grew tiny arms and legs and then removed itself to live its own dreams and hopes.

[Dryunya]

==> You had to amputate it to make room for the implants.

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

==> It got run over by a stampeding tortoise.

[RussetDivinity]

Selecting...

[RussetDivinity]

1. It died along with your mentor, Dr. Wilbur Warthog.
2. It shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
3. It left my body after that strange wart on my back grew tiny arms and legs and then removed itself to live its own dreams and hopes.
4. You had to amputate it to make room for the implants.
5. It got run over by a stampeding tortoise.

Random number generator says... 1.

Ah, Dr. Warthog. He was the first man to ever see any promise in you to be a truly mad scientist. He was the one who encouraged you to take over not only the world but the multiverse, and while you haven't accomplished that yet, you did dedicate your thesis to him, and he was very proud that you were able to stop a war by immobilizing every soldier in a seven-mile radius with jellied pickle juice. When he was killed by his good twin, Walter Warthog, you thought you would never be happy again. Then you killed Walter and felt a bit better, but your childhood had ended that day. Literally, too; you had just turned eighteen. You got the news right before you blew out the candles on your cake.

Maybe taking over the academy will help you feel better. After all, completing an ambitious project always brings your spirits up, until a minion dies. You hope Lucy will be all right; she seems like a sweet kid, and you don't want to see her die. You'd much rather lose Heather; she only has three days left until retirement.

But the academy is Lucy's job, and as she finishes the paperwork to get her into the academy, you start to wonder whether perhaps you're delegating too much. After all, some of the happiest mad scientists did most of their work themselves. Even though you've tried to build up a good family among your employees, perhaps they're doing too much of the work for you. Maybe you need to get a little more hands-on with things.

Or maybe you just need to take up a hobby. What should it be?

[Dryunya]

==> 93 cats.

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

==> making rugs out of cat hair

[Krika]

=> Reinventing the science of implosions

[JackAlsworth]

==> Accounting.

[narrativedilettante]

=> Whittling.

[eli_gone_crazy]

=> taking items from one grocery store shelf and placing it on another, random grocery store shelf.

[Victin]

=> taking items from one grocery store shelf and placing it on another, random grocery store shelf.

I second this in the name of evil.

[RussetDivinity]

Selecting...

[RussetDivinity]

1. 93 cats.
2. making rugs out of cat hair
3. Reinventing the science of implosions
4. Accounting.
5. Whittling.
6. taking items from one grocery store shelf and placing it on another, random grocery store shelf.
7. taking items from one grocery store shelf and placing it on another, random grocery store shelf.

Random number generator says... 3.

You very nearly did your thesis on implosions (the switch to using jellied pickle juice as a weapon of peace came out of a bet), so it's very easy to decide to do some implosion work for a hobby. After all, the science behind implosions is rather shoddy at best, so perhaps you ought to reinvent it from scratch. You lay claim to Lab 7 and make Alexander move his ninety-three cats somewhere else.

The first thing you do is set to work studying implosions. The first step in any science is to decide what your answer will be, and you decide that implosions happen because the things that make up everything are lonely and just want to be close together. That's why the universe was so small before the Big Bang; everything was close together and very happy. However, something occurred at the start of the universe that drove everything apart and made all those pieces start to run away. Implosions are just their attempts to get the universe back to the way it was before, and quite possibly the way it was meant to be.

Now that would be a project worthy of Dr. Warthog: reversing the Big Bang!

But that would result in not only everyone's death but also yours. You'd rather avoid dying, so you decide to put that project near the bottom of your to-do list and instead decide to focus on minor implosions, like crushing things into tiny balls of pure matter. Maybe you could even see if they can be brought back to their original form. This could solve the problem of packing for company bonding trips forever!

You hum as you start writing equations on the blackboard, feeling your joy come back. Everything is working out, and you're sure that in a week you'll be right back to where you were when you were an eager young student. Perhaps you'll even manage to claim the spot of Maddest Scientist (And Biggest Threat To Reality As We Know It) from Ian Moore. That jerk.

The blackboard is completely filled now, and you put away the stub of chalk. There are a bunch of empty containers that no one's using out back, by the bear pit filled with bears you re-engineered to eat plastic. You could grab one of those to start your experiments.

Wait a minute. Is there something you're forgetting?

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

==> Your lunch

[Krika]

=> The fact that the door to the plastic-eating bear pen is open, and that there aren't currently any of the bears inside of it.

[Victin]

==> Past you. Knowing him you could be having the exact same idea at the exact same time... Or even before you do! Because he's from the past!

[narrativedilettante]

=> It's your birthday.

[Dryunya]

==> Yes. Everything.

[Sophira]

==> No. Your computer-enhanced memory is working to specification.