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==> Stuff the rift in space-time with the cheese

(figures that every time RNG says mine, it's the nonsense one)

Dryunya wrote:==> Punch space-time continuum in the snout to establish superiority.

Seconding this, if only because I have no idea how Russ would deal with it and I would so very like to see that.

Selecting...

1. Remove the source of the problem, namely one of your two selves.
2. Punch space-time continuum in the snout to establish superiority.
3. Travel back in time by 14.27 seconds.
4. Stuff the rift in space-time with the cheese
5. Punch space-time continuum in the snout to establish superiority.

Random number generator says... 4.

The break in space and time has grown large enough that you can make out a rift. You're careful not to look inside it for fear it would drive you mad in a not-at-all fun way, but you look at it carefully enough to see that it's not very large at all. At least, it's not a city-destroying rift, like the kind you warn your employees about in some of the helpful pamphlets you hand out at the orientation meetings. It's really small, in fact, just large enough to hold...

Oh, no. It's just large enough to hold a gallon of cheese.

Loath as you are to give up your hard-won cheese, you know what you must do. This is your part of space-time, and you won't let anyone destroy it before you've finished having your fun. Calling out for past-you to run to safety, you grab the cheese and pop open the head of the robot. With an apology to Ethan, you hop out and shove the cheese into the rift. For a moment, it just sits there, toasting, but then the rift is sealed, taking with it the cheese. With a regretful sigh, you climb back into your robot and just sit in the chair for a while. You'll have to list "saving space and time" under Ethan's achievements. It's only right that he get some of the credit. You'll just have to make "cheesemaker" a little less important on that list, since the cheese didn't make it to Fondue Fest. You're about to go home in disgrace when you see that past-you is still there.

Well, that's odd. The other robot and its occupant should have left when the rift was sealed. What are they still doing here?

I've come because I need your help to save time and space from our arch-rival: Evil Qara and her army of zombie cyborg duck-men

==> They want to give you the past cheese, so that you can go to the fest.
Well, maybe some of it.

=> Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival.

narrativedilettante wrote:=> Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival.

I second this.

Victin wrote:

narrativedilettante wrote:=> Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival.

I second this.

Third'd!

Krika wrote:

Victin wrote:

narrativedilettante wrote:=> Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival.

I second this.

Third'd!

Fourthed, with a slight addition/clarification - past you obviously still has their cheese.

==> Past you is about to open up a rift in space-time, thus closing the loop.

Selecting...

1. I've come because I need your help to save time and space from our arch-rival: Evil Qara and her army of zombie cyborg duck-men
2. They want to give you the past cheese, so that you can go to the fest. Well, maybe some of it.
3. Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival.
4. Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival.
5. Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival.
6. Past you, unconcerned with rifts in space-time, trundles past you and on to the festival, obviously still having the cheese.
7. Past you is about to open up a rift in space-time, thus closing the loop.

Random number generator says... 3.

Past-you may have caused the space-time rift, or may not have. Either way, there is no concern on past-your face as the robot trundles on, past you and toward the festival. Of course; 14.27 seconds before any of this started, your only concern was to get to Fondue Fest. Now, of course, you've lost your chance, while past-you can continue on. You don't blame past-yourself. You might have done the same thing in past-your situation.

With a sigh, you climb back up your robot, wishing there were more ladders randomly scattered about the city. With no chance to get to Fondue Fest, you decide you might as well do your second job of the day: dumping Ethan's body in the ocean. Hoping past-you has a good time so that someday you can steal the memories of Fondue Fest and pretend they were yours all along, you turn the robot and head of in a straight line toward the sea. Luckily, the city you regularly terrorize is close to the ocean, so it's a short walk to the coral reef that used to be Ethan's family. You try to take some joy in crushing oil executives and their cars, but now that your cheese is well and truly lost, life seems to have lost all meaning.

You park the robot on the cliff above the reef and lug Ethan to the edge, almost positive he won't mind the grass stains on his uniform. He's a lot lighter now that he's old, and at the edge of the cliff, just before throwing him off, you stop and say, "Well, it's been wonderful. I'm sorry your cheese never got to win first prize at the Fondue Fest, but it served a better purpose: keeping space and time from falling apart." As an afterthought, you add, "And sorry I forgot the fruit basket. I was going to pick one up after the festival, but... well, you know. Or you wouldn't, being dead."

With your farewells said, you roll Ethan to the edge of the cliff. But wait! Who's that out in the kayak?

...won't... say... it...

=> It's Ethan from 14.27 hours ago!

Your mother. Wonder where she's been for the past 5 years.

==>Mark, from IT

A seal.

==> Captain Freedom, spending his well-deserved vacation. (Still in costume.)

==> Kayak-Man (actually a sentient kayak riding a kayak but calling him/her Kayak-Kayak sounds redundant)

Selecting...

1. ...won't... say... it...
2. It's Ethan from 14.27 hours ago!
3. Your mother. Wonder where she's been for the past 5 years.
4. Mark, from IT
5. A seal.
6. Captain Freedom, spending his well-deserved vacation. (Still in costume.)
7. Kayak-Man (actually a sentient kayak riding a kayak but calling him/her Kayak-Kayak sounds redundant)

Random number generator says... 7.

You groan. Great. It's Kayak-Man. You're pretty sure no one likes that guy, except for maybe the other sentient kayaks that might live in a pod out in the ocean. You can't be sure, but you're positive that there have to be more. That, or he's some twisted abomination of science. That part makes more sense, or at least it would explain why a sentient kayak would ride a kayak around.

Kayak-Man spots you and waves. With a sigh, you wave back. "I can't talk now," you call. "I'm dumping a body." Kayak-Man has no evident ears, so you're not sure how he can hear you, but you've had brief conversations with him and have learned to understand his language, which is actually Morse Code.

We have to talk, he says, slapping his paddle on the water to make the dots and dashes. It's urgent.

"More urgent than losing my minion, saving all of space and time, and skipping the Fondue Fest?" You haul Ethan closer to the cliff.

Yes.

"Fine," you say, sitting down. You hope this doesn't last too long. You want to get rid of Ethan before rigor mortis sets in. "Talk."

What does Kayak-Man say?

==> He wants to ask you out.

=> That minion's body will trigger an ecological disaster if you leave it here!

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