Steal the Apple!!

[Lordxana0]

There is an apple hanging off a tree. It looks mighty tasty, and you know that you are the only one worthy of having it. Steal it from the tree in the craziest way possible. But be prepared, for others will see you with the apple and attempt to take it from you in even crazier ways. Do whatever must be done in however many steps you need in order to obtain it.

[Endless Sea]

*ninja-climbs the tree, sneaks a miniature nuke into the core of the apple*

Right, I'm just gonna sit of the sidelines and point and laugh. Enjoy your shenanigans!

[JackAlsworth]

I climb the tree and pick the apple. There, that wasn't so hard, I wonder what the fuss was abou -

What's that ticking sound?

*EXPLODE*

[Endless Sea]

*steals somehow-unharmed apple from the mod's irradiated hands*

Sweet, that worked.

(pause)

Eh, I could definitely use more fruit in mah diet. *takes bite of fruit*

(pause)

*keels over and falls comatose, dropping apple, which is mysteriously still untouched*

[Scarab]

...*Picks up an apple with a bite out of it. Gives Endless a prod with her foot*

Um... I don't think we should be eating this. *Pulls out geiger counter, watches it go through the roof* Although falling comatose is NOT usually the immediate action to extreme radiation poisoning. Anybody got a small country needs powering? Because I think this thing might just do the trick.

[The Wild West Pyro]

OK. But the path is blocked. So...

( BURNS EVERYTHING.)

OK, that's done.

Whoa, the tree is high. So....

( Flies up in Sopwith Camel and takes apple)

Done.

( Flies off)

NOW NO ONE CAN STOP ME!

( Sees Anti Aircraft Guns below)

OH CRAP!

[S_o_S]

*manning said guns* I love it when a plan comes together. Enjoy your painful death. But the apple... I shall leave it for now... Because I don't want to be hit. To the plotting machine.

[The Wild West Pyro]

*manning said guns* I love it when a plan comes together. Enjoy your painful death. But the apple... I shall leave it for now... Because I don't want to be hit. To the plotting machine.

( Dodges the blasts and opens machine gun fire.)

DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA GATLING GOOD!

AND NOW FOR MY SECRET WEAPON.

( Gunners get horrifically injured or killed by red bricks, torpedoes, flamethrowers, bullets, bombs and grenades)

THE FINISHING TOUCH!

( Fireball explodes in a massive mushroom fireball and blows up everything nearby.)

HA!

[Sicon112]

*Walks away from the explosion whistling and tossing the apple in one hand.*

"What? Pyro was busy!"

*tosses apple over his shoulder*

"OK, going to work, have fun kids, and don't get distracted!"

[AMimsyBorogove]

*Catches apple and smirks, then falls backwards off a cliff. In the next instant, a helicopter that was inexplicably silent up until now crests the edge of the cliff and begins flying away, with me evil laughing inside it. However, after the doors on the chopper close, I naturally quickly use spacial warping to teleport to a location five miles away where my base is, then detonate a nuclear device inside the chopper, making it look like I was sabotaged by someone else to cover my tracks. Hiding at the heart of my secret underground lava fortress, I prepare to devour my delicious apple.*

"Mongrels. You would dare assume that you are worthy of this wonderful fruit? The only one who deserves this prize is me, the great LORD BOROGOVE! Hahaha... HAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

*Naturally, is too busy evil laughing to actually eat the apple, but does take the precaution of using spacial warping to block teleportation into my underground lava fortress. If anyone wants in, they'll have to fight their way past the walls, which are covered with automatic cannons, the traps inside, and the guards, who include lava golems, enchanted suits of armor with top-grade magic weaponry, and hellhounds. Oh, and Cerberus.*

[The Wild West Pyro]

*Walks away from the explosion whistling and tossing the apple in one hand.*

"What? Pyro was busy!"

*tosses apple over his shoulder*

"OK, going to work, have fun kids, and don't get distracted!"

( Grabs Apple)

OFF TO LA MANCHA!

( Crashes through the wall)

Sorry Mr. A!

( Goes to the Don Quixote world)

OK...WAIT...

GODDAMMIT MIMSY HAS IT NOW!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

( Drops all the nukes and missiles and fire and volcanoes and water and lightning and elements into mimsy's base)

THE WHOLE PLACE HAS BEEN VAPORIZED!

( Takes Apple and goes to see Quixote)

[AMimsyBorogove]

*Rises from the inferno glowing with rampant red power auras.*

Pyro... I gave you the perfect set up to do something epic... and you just OFFHANDEDLY EXPLODED EVERYTHING? THIS. IS. UNFORGIVABLE!

*Rage breaks, turning into a new super form as I grow a mantle made of black phoenix feathers, scarlet hellfire wreathing me as I rise into the air, slowly raising both hands as the power around me begins to concentrate on them, a red-on-black inferno of absolute power coating my hands. Then, space-warps directly to Pyro, and Falcon Punches him in the face, sending him flying into the air and shattering his pyro-mask.*

SERIAL! *teleports again, roundhouse kicking Pyro into a cliff face* ESCALATION! *teleports into him, blasting him clear through the cliff and out the other side, then hurling his limp and battered form into the sky* YOU'RE...

*Powers up further, gaining a ridiculously spiky hairdo and glowing red eyes of doom as I charge up a giant laser beam of death. As Pyro's fading silhouette aligns with the rising full moon, I smirk and fire.*

DOING IT WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! VERMILLION PHOENIX ~ LANCE OF SCARLET SKY!

*Fires an enormous laser beam that strikes dead-on, blowing up Pyro before going on to completely destroy the moon behind him.*

It was mocking me. It had it coming. *catches falling apple and returns to normal form.*

[The Wild West Pyro]

*Rises from the inferno glowing with rampant red power auras.*

Pyro... I gave you the perfect set up to do something epic... and you just OFFHANDEDLY EXPLODED EVERYTHING? THIS. IS. UNFORGIVABLE!

*Rage breaks, turning into a new super form as I grow a mantle made of black phoenix feathers, scarlet hellfire wreathing me as I rise into the air, slowly raising both hands as the power around me begins to concentrate on them, a red-on-black inferno of absolute power coating my hands. Then, space-warps directly to Pyro, and Falcon Punches him in the face, sending him flying into the air and shattering his pyro-mask.*

SERIAL! *teleports again, roundhouse kicking Pyro into a cliff face* ESCALATION! *teleports into him, blasting him clear through the cliff and out the other side, then hurling his limp and battered form into the sky* YOU'RE...

*Powers up further, gaining a ridiculously spiky hairdo and glowing red eyes of doom as I charge up a giant laser beam of death. As Pyro's fading silhouette aligns with the rising full moon, I smirk and fire.*

DOING IT WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! VERMILLION PHOENIX ~ LANCE OF SCARLET SKY!

*Fires an enormous laser beam that strikes dead-on, blowing up Pyro before going on to completely destroy the moon behind him.*

It was mocking me. It had it coming. *catches falling apple and returns to normal form.*

( Rises from the ashes, completely covered in flames. Levitating. 1911 A1 on fire. Pipe Wrench in the other hand. Shotgun on back, glasses not even harmed.)

OH, YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KILL ME WITH FIRE?

YOU DESTROYED THE BLOODY MOON! NOW WE'VE LOST OUR OWN SATELLITE! YOU SHALL PAY!

( Mimsy gets bombarded with fireballs, flaming bullets, flaming wrench whacks. )

HA! KAMIKAZE TIME!

( Mimsy struggles to get up from the ground as Pyro smashes into him, burning him alive.)

( Ignores his death screams.)

FEEL DA HEAT!

( Mimsy explodes into ashes. Then starts to form into his human shape)

AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH-

( Don Quixote rides up)

HE'S GOING TO ATTACK YOU WITH HIS LIGHTNING LANCE!

Quixote: HURTING A CHILD! YOU MONSTER! I AM DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA, KNIGHT OF THE LONG FACE AND TODAY I SHALL SLAY YOU!

( Mimsy gets his entire skeleton impaled on a lance with his organs while his skin crumples and falls to the ground in a bloody mess.)

AND NOW-

( HELPS QUIXOTE DESTROY MIMSY'S LAVA ARMY COMPLETELY. AS WELL AS HIS GUARDS, TRAPS, WEAPONS AND CERBERUS. ARMED ONLY WITH QUIXOTE'S LANCE AND HIS SILENCED 1911 A1.)

( Snatches Apple)

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

( Walks away with Quixote as everything blows up behind them. Pure Badass style.)

[AMimsyBorogove]

*Laughs from amidst the flames.*

What, did you really think fire would hurt me? After it failed to kill me last time? After I began beating the crap out of you with a flame-based super form? *Evil laugh, but abruptly stops.* But wait, come to think of it, how did I use FIRE to blow up the moon, anyway? THERE'S NO OXYGEN IN SPACE. How the hell does that even work? *The Universe, realizing the nonsense of the situation, quickly corrects itself, and the moon abruptly reappears.*

Ehem. Anyway, as for you, Quixote... You do realize I'm probably the second youngest person in this ARG, right?

*Le smirk as he stops for a moment. Catches his lance, and shatters it with my bare hands as the super form reasserts itself.*

It was a good try, as far as escalation goes, but I'm afraid it wasn't terribly thought out. Oh, and by the way, I stole this back from you while you weren't looking.

*Holds up the apple, then tosses it into the air.*

Keep your eyes on the birdie...

*Teleports directly into Pyro, then teleports both of them several miles away while both Pyro and Quixote are distracted. Emerges from the other side, already hurling Pyro into yet another cliff, the with a sweep of my hand, releasing a storm of a few thousand flame blasts directly into him, obliterating the surrounding terrain in the process and leaving a massive crater. As Pyro falls into the collapsing ground, it superheats into a pool of magma, into which he falls before being blasted out of it again by a torrent of condensed flames, hurling him into the air as I begin to walk calmly over the surface of the lava.*

Hmm. What a funny word. Magma.

*Reshapes it into countless lances of pure lava, then points his hand upward, targeting the falling Pyro directly.*

Hellfire Bombardment ~ Molting Phoenix.

*Fires off all of the millions of lava lances, each striking with pinpoint accuracy and turning Pyro into a burning Human pincushion. As he slowly disintegrates, I once again take aim, this time with a beam of raw power rather than a flame-laser.*

Torrent of Chaos ~ Ignis.

*Wave Motion Guns Pyro, blowing up the moon in the process for a second time, this time annihilating it so completely that it creates a void of nonexistence where the satellite once was.*

HAH! Take that, universe!

*Teleports back to their original location just in time to catch the apple, then teleport away yet again before Don Quixote can do anything to stop me. My destination this time is... uh... um...

Namek?

[Victin]

*tackle slides Mimsy*

*picks up the apple*

*casually starts walking away from Mimsy*

[AMimsyBorogove]

...

I've said this before, and I'll say it again.

SERIAL ESCALATION: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!

*Spreads mantle of black flames, turning it into a giant pair of burning wings that then turning into a giant pair of wing-themed swords made of black fire, which I then bring down atop Victin's head, creating a rift in the fabric of the world where they cut as well as a trench a mile deep that extends for several miles into the distance, and, due to its heat and the spacial anomalies caused by the swords, becomes essentially a portal to hell.*

*catches the apple yet again, then reconsiders.*

Eh, meh. I have to go anyway. Maybe later.

*Tosses the apple into the massive abyss of lava and flames into which he just dropped Victin, his cloak reforming, collapsing around him, and blinking him out of the corporeal plane.*

[Victin]

Cool! I know have a portal to hell in my forehead. Now let me see...

*noises*

Now it's shaped as a vertical eye! Awesome! I can control it! Thanks Mimsy.

Now I'm wondering how you put me in the portal in my forehead... Anyways, I was just trolling you I don't like apples, nor most fruits or vegetables or edible plants in general, so I'm immune to their powers. If anyone wants the apple simply tell me. Since you were so kind to me, my modus operandis will be to give you or Sicon it. Either way...

*picks up a hellish fishing rod and tries to fish the apple*

[Genndy Oda C.O.G.]

Need a hand?

[Victin]

I don't think so, but... Why not?

*hands a hellish fishing rod to Genndy*

Oh, hey, I've heard of a guy who builds stuff out of anything one can give to him, but he will only do it once for each person. Wanna take the apple and some hellish stuff plus anything you want to and ask him to make a mallet for you?

[Endless Sea]

...*Picks up an apple with a bite out of it. Gives Endless a prod with her foot*

Um... I don't think we should be eating this. *Pulls out geiger counter, watches it go through the roof* Although falling comatose is NOT usually the immediate action to extreme radiation poisoning. Anybody got a small country needs powering? Because I think this thing might just do the trick.

(It kinda wasn't a reaction to extreme radiation poisoning. Just the apple. :\ And by the way, when I said the apple was still mysteriously untouched, that includes bite marks. This is a pretty freaking anomalous apple.)

[Pixelmage]

That appears to be one seriously Bad Apple.
Not sure if that makes me want to get it or avoid it. Maybe both?

[Dryunya]

*Spawns as the Doomguy by default* I'll totally pick another form when I die.

I declare today to be the Opposite Day.

*Unsteals the apple and walks backwards, as the background unexplodes*

[Victin]

*Spawns as the Doomguy by default* I'll totally pick another form when I die.

I declare today to be the Opposite Day.

*Unsteals the apple and walks backwards, as the background unexplodes*

If today is Opposite Day, it means it isn't Opposite Day. If it isn't Opposite Day, it isn't Opposite Day.

Did Qara put Dryu in an hallucination? I see he burning/melting in the lava river. Does anyone has a-Nevermind, he died.

[Dryunya]

*Respawns as an abomination born from the Project Fuck The World*

Well then. Lava. How nice. I could live here.

*Takes the apple and lives in the fiery abyss.*

Come at me bro!

[Sicon112]

*Respawns as an abomination born from the Project Fuck The World*

Well then. Lava. How nice. I could live here.

*Takes the apple and lives in the fiery abyss.*

Come at me bro!

I summon a Magicka wizard to use frost element on you. That inexplicably solidifies the lava.

YOINK!

*The wizard casts teleport and runs off*