The Coffee Room

[The Wild West Pyro]

"Badass"

*sits down and drinks some actual tea*

Oh that's good. *pulls out handgun and shoots into the air*

"That's right baby."

*Observes handgun* Nice. Classic, I like it. Think you could hit the Mummy between the eyes from here?

A while ago, I tested every gun in the world on The Mummy. ( The 1932 one, of course)

Which includes my Glock 19, because I found the Metaguard Armoury. It had every single gun made. And it was free. The Armoury's under the trapdoor with the camel leather armchair on top, then past Frankenstein's lab, through Imhotep's tomb, into the Phantom of the Opera's room, and it's the second wooden door, which looks like the Twilight Zone one, to the right.

Test Result: THE MUMMY/IMHOTEP/ARDETH BEY IS SOMEHOW BULLETPROOF. THE BULLET HOLES SEAL UP IN A FEW MINUTES.

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

"Badass"

*sits down and drinks some actual tea*

Oh that's good. *pulls out handgun and shoots into the air*

"That's right baby."

*Observes handgun* Nice. Classic, I like it. Think you could hit the Mummy between the eyes from here?

A while ago, I tested every gun in the world on The Mummy. ( The 1932 one, of course)

Test Result: THE MUMMY/IMHOTEP/ARDETH BEY IS SOMEHOW BULLETPROOF. THE BULLET HOLES SEAL UP IN A FEW MINUTES.

Bulletproof perhaps. But can it hold up against a shotgun?
Quick, someone get a shotgun. (All I've got is this shiny lasergun. And I don't want to waste... laserbeams.)

[The Wild West Pyro]

A while ago, I tested every gun in the world on The Mummy. ( The 1932 one, of course)

Which includes my Glock 19, because I found the Metaguard Armoury. It had every single gun made. And it was free. The Armoury's under the trapdoor with the camel leather armchair on top, then past Frankenstein's lab, through Imhotep's tomb, into the Phantom of the Opera's room, and it's the second wooden door, which looks like the Twilight Zone one, to the right.

Test Result: THE MUMMY/IMHOTEP/ARDETH BEY IS SOMEHOW BULLETPROOF. THE BULLET HOLES SEAL UP IN A FEW MINUTES.

( Grabs his Team Fortress 2 Shotgun and shoots the Mummy)

Nope. Avi. The holes sealed up again. We can only damage him with melee weapons.

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

All right. Time for me to try my lasergun, then. *loads lasergun with laserbeams, shoots at mummy*
Well. I didn't expect that to happen.

Where the laser beam hit him... he turned Green.
Run?

[The Wild West Pyro]

All right. Time for me to try my lasergun, then. *loads lasergun with laserbeams, shoots at mummy*
Well. I didn't expect that to happen.

Where the laser beam hit him... he turned Green.
Run?

Oh god. Oh god this is bad.

RUN! RUN! HE'S TURNING INTO SOME KIND OF VERY ANGRY EGYPTIAN SKELETON WARRIOR!

OH GOD NOW HE'S SUMMONING HIS UNDEAD ARMY!

NOW HE'S CHARGING ACROSS EGYPT TO THE COFFEE ROOM, WHICH IS ON ANTARTICA!

OH MY GOD THEY CAN RUN ACROSS WATER?

THEY'RE COMING!


HELP! SOS! SOS! SOS! SO-jfjehuwdnchhjxjchsusjudhuehduhcgihgadhshkvguhweguyfgwyeugfuvasgucvueqhiwoqpwpqjoifjdwqlmlkmlkjiihkifwhsikhweiuwfhwfieruihoqfwfqehpqpuqodhhihfrhiovsbiovbfhwifiuewhfuiheuifhuf


THIS IS IMHOTEP. SURRENDER OR WE BLOW UP THE BUILDING, AND THE COFFEE MAKING MACHINE.

AND WE WILL HOLD THE GIRLS WHO SUSPICIOUSLY LOOK LIKE THE PRINCESS I LOVED IN LIFE HOSTAGE.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH-Hack- HAHAHAHAHA- Wheeze- HAHAHAHAHA- Cough Cough Cough.

I HAVEN'T KILLED SOMEONE FOR 1000000000000000 YEARS!

[Scarab]

THIS IS IMPHOTEP. SURRENDER OR WE BLOW UP THE BUILDING, AND THE COFFEE MAKING MACHINE.

...

You'll... blow up the...

OHHH NO YOU BLOODY WELL WON'T GET BACK IN YOUR TOMB RIGHT NOW BEFORE I CALL YOUR GODDAMN WIFE AND TELL HER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING IN YOUR SPARE TIME!!!

*Hands JRPictures colt 45* Here. Do with it as you PLEASE.

Nobody threatens the coffee machines.

[S_o_S]

All right. Time for me to try my lasergun, then. *loads lasergun with laserbeams, shoots at mummy*
Well. I didn't expect that to happen.

Where the laser beam hit him... he turned Green.
Run?

Oh god. Oh god this is bad.

RUN! RUN! HE'S TURNING INTO SOME KIND OF VERY ANGRY EGYPTIAN SKELETON WARRIOR!

OH GOD NOW HE'S SUMMONING HIS UNDEAD ARMY!

NOW HE'S CHARGING ACROSS EGYPT TO THE COFFEE ROOM, WHICH IS ON ANTARTICA!

OH MY GOD THEY CAN RUN ACROSS WATER?

THEY'RE COMING!


HELP! SOS! SOS! SOS! SO-jfjehuwdnchhjxjchsusjudhuehduhcgihgadhshkvguhweguyfgwyeugfuvasgucvueqhiwoqpwpqjoifjdwqlmlkmlkjiihkifwhsikhweiuwfhwfieruihoqfwfqehpqpuqodhhihfrhiovsbiovbfhwifiuewhfuiheuifhuf


THIS IS IMPHOTEP. SURRENDER OR WE BLOW UP THE BUILDING, AND THE COFFEE MAKING MACHINE.

*in best Lurch impression* You rang?

... Oh dear. Imhotep. That's a thing. Would you like some delicious green?

[Qara-Xuan Zenith]

Don't worry, I re-wired the coffee room's self-destruct mechanism last night.
Anyone who tries to activate it or otherwise destroy it... gets a surprise.

[The Wild West Pyro]

( The Mummy grabs Bride of Frankenstein. Locks her in a room that says " Torture.")

( He puts on something that looks like Rape Shoes)

Frankenstein's Monster: NO! NO! NO! NOT MADELINE! NOT MY WIFE!

Bride: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!! GROANMOANGROAN SHRIEK AAARGH!

Frankenstein's Monster ( raging): NO ONE VIOLATES MY WIFE AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

( He, the other 5 Universal Monsters, which are Dracula, The Invisible Man, The Phantom of the Opera, The Wolf Man and Gill Man, and the metaguards grab melee weapons and guns from the armoury and charge.)

[The Wild West Pyro]

Half a minute later...

( Metaguards and Universal Monsters being Badasses and beating up the Undead army in all sorts of cool ways)

Me: ( Runs across the battlefield, leaps, and smashes Fire Axe into mummy warrior's head.

Then one minute later...

Frankenstein ( changed up to a dungeon): I HATE MUMMIES!

The Mummy: Bitch, please.

( Slams the door and turns back to a bloodstained Bride of Frankenstein, who is looking very angry)

The Mummy: Now time to have some more pleasure.

( Bride slaps him so hard that he smashes out of the room, and is caught by the Phantom's noose, who lassoes him. The Mummy lands in front of the Coffee Machine.)

The Mummy: NOW TO ACTIVATE THE COFFEE MACHINE! YOU WILL ALL BE SUCKED INTO THE UNDERWORLD AND HAVE YOUR HEARTS EATEN SO YOU NEVER EXISTED! YOUR SOULS ARE ALL MINE!

( Coffee Machine turns into portal)

The Mummy: AHAHAHAHA!

[JRPictures]

I can't even....

*Drinks Blue Stuff (C) and watches the fight*

[Sicon112]

I can't even....

*Drinks Blue Stuff (C) and watches the fight*

I guess you really have immunized yourself to anthrax. Grats. This time I used Iocane Powder too though. Have a nice death.

[The Wild West Pyro]

I can't even....

*Drinks Blue Stuff (C) and watches the fight*

( Puts an computer in front of him. An Apple 2.)

Make yourself useful, mate, by looking at the army's camp in the distance. I planted an old Sopwith Camel in the sky to spy on their camp. It's been fitted with a bigger version of the TF2 Cloak and Dagger watch, so it can remain invisible forever. There is a portable Video Camerq there, that is linked to the computer. Take videos of their camp and report back to us.

( Runs back into the battle)

[Scarab]

I can't even....

*Drinks Blue Stuff (C) and watches the fight*

I guess you really have immunized yourself to anthrax. Grats. This time I used Iocane Powder too though. Have a nice death.

Dude, why do you have to kill us ALL the time?

[JRPictures]

I can't even....

*Drinks Blue Stuff (C) and watches the fight*

I guess you really have immunized yourself to anthrax. Grats. This time I used Iocane Powder too though. Have a nice death.

How many times do I need to say, IT ISN'T F*CKING ANTHRAX! Also I'm immune to Iocane Powder. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder. Thanks Wesley.. I mean Dread Pirate Roberts.

[The Wild West Pyro]

Hello.

The Invisible Man, Dr. Jack Griffin, here.

I have discovered the army's source of power.

THEY ARE DRINKING THIS THING CALLED " RED STUFF", WHICH IS A SPECIAL TYPE OF EGYPTIAN BEER." WHEN DRANK, IT CAN TURN WIMPS AND FAT PEOPLE INTO MUSCLEMEN AND UGLY PEOPLE INTO HANDSOME OR BEAUTIFUL ONES. IN BATTLE, IT MAKES THE DRINKER INVINCIBLE FOR 15 MINUTES.

IF WE COULD WRECK THE THING MAKING THIS DRINK, WE COULD SUCK THE WARRIORS BACK INTO THE UNDERWORLD.

ALSO, IF YOU WANT TO FIND ME, I'LL BE IN ENGLAND, HIJACKING A STEAM TRAIN SO I CAN SMASH IT INTO THEIR CAMP.

MUHAHAHAHA!

[Sicon112]

I can't even....

*Drinks Blue Stuff (C) and watches the fight*

I guess you really have immunized yourself to anthrax. Grats. This time I used Iocane Powder too though. Have a nice death.

How many times do I need to say, IT ISN'T F*CKING ANTHRAX! Also I'm immune to Iocane Powder. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder. Thanks Wesley.. I mean Dread Pirate Roberts.

How many times do I have to say COSMIC RETCON? Xana has control over this thread; he created it. He SAID that your blue stuff was erased. It was a joke. Just GO WITH IT. Every time you bring this up again it just annoys both of us.

[JRPictures]

Every time you guys retcon it, I bring it back to life. stop interfering with my posts, gorramit.

(OOC: Are you being serious about this whole thing or is this one big joke?)

[Sicon112]

Every time you guys retcon it, I bring it back to life. stop interfering with my posts, gorramit.

(OOC: Are you being serious about this whole thing or is this one big joke?)

Semi-serious. Sorry about being a bit snappish. Sleep deprived right now. I just kinda want to move on to a new joke. Like, I dunno...the hordes of hell dropping out of the ceiling?

*drop*

Oh for... screw it, I'm going back to bed. You guys can deal with this...

[The Wild West Pyro]

( Whacking another undead soldier mummy)

( Lands between JR Pictures and Sicon)

OK, argument over. Now get out there and fight, we are getting slaughtered because they keep on hiding behind the door. I hope the Invisible Man gets the train into their camp fast.

I turned the respawn system on.

Oh, and a terrible problem: The self destruct thing is gone. The Coffee Machine is being turned into a portal!

[Sicon112]

( Whacking another undead soldier mummy)

( Lands between JR Pictures and Sicon)

OK, argument over. Now get out there and fight, we are getting slaughtered because they keep on hiding behind the door. I hope the Invisible Man gets the train into their camp fast.

I turned the respawn system on.

Oh, and a terrible problem: The self destruct thing is gone. The Coffee Machine is being turned into a portal!

I suppose this is a bad time to mention that the souls of the damned are pouring out of every surface because someone, somewhere, may have just tempted fate a teeny little bit?

[The Wild West Pyro]

I think it was the Laser Gun that made the Mummy mad.

[Scarab]

( Whacking another undead soldier mummy)

( Lands between JR Pictures and Sicon)

OK, argument over. Now get out there and fight, we are getting slaughtered because they keep on hiding behind the door. I hope the Invisible Man gets the train into their camp fast.

I turned the respawn system on.

Oh, and a terrible problem: The self destruct thing is gone. The Coffee Machine is being turned into a portal!

I suppose this is a bad time to mention that the souls of the damned are pouring out of every surface because someone, somewhere, may have just tempted fate a teeny little bit?

DON'T LOOK AT ME I wasn't even around when this started today!

[JRPictures]

(I undersatnd but the blue Stuff (C) joke doesn't have to have attention brought to it, it can just be my thing. How's that for a compromise)

Well time to save the god damn day isn't it?

*JR pulls out lawgiver and fills it with exorcist rounds (Yes those are in the comics) and starts shooting the souls of the damned*

Never face a supernatural threat without 'em.

[Sicon112]

I think it was the Laser Gun that made the Mummy mad.

Well, the perfect antidote for that is gratuitous amounts of magic fire.



BRING IT ON!!!!