Rolf's Advice Corner

[TheJester]

Y'know, for awhile now I have been distraught. I have been miserable with my life and everything around me. I eventually became depressed and really found no hope in the world. I can't honestly say that for the past couple months I have been "Happy" per se. These past few months have been a struggle and I found myself just getting deeper and deeper into depression. Recently however, my life has changed for the better due to me seeking council from Rolf. Rolf is a genius in every sense of the word. He changed my way of thinking on life, politics, and even the legitimacy of enslaving smurfs to fuel an economy. No other man but Rolf could single-handedly show a man the importance of toasters when it comes to Bulgarian politics and I found myself intrigued by his insights into Temporal Diffusion and the recent outbreak of the common cold. Rolf, thank you. You are an inspiration to me and you helped me get back on my feet when I tripped over my Playstation the other day. I swear there is no other man you would like to sacrifice your life to angry villagers to than Rolf. We should all believe in Rolf! Rolf has even told me that he wants to share his words of wisdom with you guys!

Here you can ask Rolf any question! Anything that has plagued your mind and is causing you a headache, or even just ask for advice! Rolf will surely answer, in the form of an incoherent sentence turned into a sort of rhetorical question that has a complete irrelevance to the question at hand but causes the reader to be inspired and solve his/her own problems even though he didn't do much in the first place.

I will be the messenger. Here, you can ask Rolf a question and I will proceed to ask him on our secret chat channel. When he answers, I will either copy and paste the answers onto a response, screenshot the chat, quote him, just say what he said in my own words, use carrier pigeons, use smoke signals, use my telepathy to tell your mind, or accidentally bump into you at that favorite sub shop you go to and give you a letter sealed with some type of material similar to wax but not completely because I am not good with stuff like that.

So please, ask Rolf your questions and he will answer! If there is any advice you metaguards require in your time of need, surely he can provide it! Now, let's begin shall we?

[Scarab]

Who exactly is this Rolf, Jes?

[RotavatoR]

Please Rolf, help! How do I mask the smell of dead capibara?!

[TheJester]

I suppose I will start with the first question.

He is something that exists.

And now for RoatavatoR's question.

ROLF: "RotavatoR ask's a very good question. It isn't the fact that they smell bad and more of the fact that they are dead. The smell is simply the facade of guilt that has arrived from the plight of the murderer of the dead capibara. My advice to mask the smell is to accept your guilt and learn to move on from your mistakes. Only then can the capibara guilt be free, and the smell dissipates."

[Krika]

Rolf: Can God create a game so bizarre, that even He could not play it? Y/N

[TheJester]

Rolf: Can God create a game so bizarre, that even He could not play it? Y/N

ROLF: "I guess the real question Krika is... Can God do anything? If he can do anything, than he should be able to squirm himself into a paradox causing the whole time space continuum to collapse and our very existence to become null and void. Through this paradox, he would always be able to beat the games he makes no matter how hard, but he could still get harder and harder, causing more and more paradoxes. To answer your question in the originally intended dialogue, yes and no. What is yes if not no at the same time? To agree is to disagree is it not? Therefore we find ourselves at a point in which what is right and wrong become blurred by the facade of God making a really hard game that can get really annoying because he decided to put microtransactions for the DLC and I think its stupid because I don't have $5.99."

[RotavatoR]

Who exactly is this Rolf, Jes?

Don't you feel silly now