The Immortal Teddy Bear

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The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Lordxana0 on Fri Jun 06, 2014 2:56 pm

There is a Teddy Bear, no real reason why it needs to or should be destroyed, but the entire world wants it gone and done with. You are allowed all force necessary to take it out, but be warned! It shall not fall easily.

So this is how the game works. Players set up a contrived death trap in order to destroy the teddy bear, and the player after that player creates a scenario that makes the teddy bear survive against all odds without a scratch on it. And than the player who wrote its salvation will create the next death trap. And so on and so forth.

This is the picture of the target
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... ear_27.jpg
Who you going to call? ME!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Sophira on Fri Jun 06, 2014 4:53 pm

Why do we want to destroy a poor, defenseless teddy bear? :(

in any case, if it has to be destroyed, I'm going to want to hug it until it wears out by sheer force of hugs.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Victin on Fri Jun 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Unfortunately, the Teddy Bear is just too fluffly. You hug it the hardest you can until you pass out of pure exhaustion.

I attempt to do something, from a safe distance: stare the Teddy Bear into oblivion.
Dolphins are some of the smartest animals, yes, but by human standards… Let's say you should praise the god that forces them to stay handless and underwater.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Krika on Fri Jun 06, 2014 7:29 pm

Unfortunately, the Teddy Bear doesn't need to blink. You quickly find yourself out-stared.

This has gone on long enough - you make a drastic decision. It is time to send a puppet to defeat a puppet. You find your old, loyal stuffed lion, and send it against the bear.
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>Narra has tiny jerk people in her socks.
>We are affirming our collective jerkhood by committing genocide on them.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Dryunya on Sat Jun 07, 2014 2:14 pm

They both sit and stare at each other - they're toys, duh. :P

You gather your old toys, including the one with a cowboy hat, and throw them into an incinerator.
With the Teddy, I mean.
I have attempted to suppress my inner hyperspace future gardener crying out against all the injustice I am committing.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby JRPictures on Sat Jun 07, 2014 8:02 pm

Sadly throwing all of those toys at the same time means not all of them get into the incinerator, including the bear.

Desperate, you grab out two pairs of scissors and prepare to cut the bear into pieces.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby The Wild West Pyro on Sat Jun 07, 2014 10:34 pm

JRPictures wrote:Sadly throwing all of those toys at the same time means not all of them get into the incinerator, including the bear.

Desperate, you grab out two pairs of scissors and prepare to cut the bear into pieces.


The bear still stands.

You activate the Cybermen in your loft and they fire at it with every single laser or WMD they have.
FIRE!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Krika on Sun Jun 08, 2014 12:21 am

Alas, a bug in their targeting software means that while Best Korea may not exist anymore, the bear remains unharmed.

You rummage around in your grandfather's old hunting chest, and find both a shotgun and several shells. It's time to hunt it like the big game it is!
Krika
>Narra has tiny jerk people in her socks.
>We are affirming our collective jerkhood by committing genocide on them.
Guyshane
>I'm going to read the logs and pray that that sentence makes more sense in context
>No
>No it does not
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby The Wild West Pyro on Sun Jun 08, 2014 5:42 am

Krika wrote:Alas, a bug in their targeting software means that while Best Korea may not exist anymore, the bear remains unharmed.

You rummage around in your grandfather's old hunting chest, and find both a shotgun and several shells. It's time to hunt it like the big game it is!


The buckshot severs the arms of the teddy and blasts several holes in it, but NO, it keeps on going like the Black Knight!

So you have no choice but to crush it. You put it at the bottom at a flight of stairs in LA, so when the piano being carried up by two VERY incompetent deliverymen in bowler hats slides down, it will DIE! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
FIRE!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Scarab on Sun Jun 08, 2014 12:19 pm

*Takes the teddy bear*
*Hugs it*
*refuses to let anybody touch it* 8(

My bear now. Mine.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Victin on Sun Jun 08, 2014 6:17 pm

Unfortunately, Scarab hugs the Teddy Bear seconds before Pyro's piano hit it. Her body protect it from any damage, and she is now being healed and receiving lots of hugs and cookies.

I try to avenge Scarab by throwing a bucket of water at the Teddy Bear, then letting it to freeze inside a refrigerator.
Dolphins are some of the smartest animals, yes, but by human standards… Let's say you should praise the god that forces them to stay handless and underwater.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby JRPictures on Sun Jun 08, 2014 9:47 pm

Unfortunately the fridge breaks down leaving the bear wet but not frozen.

Left with no choice, you grab out a flame thrower and set the bear on fire.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Endless Sea on Sun Jun 08, 2014 10:15 pm

The fire fails to work, since the bear was just in a very cold freezer. And wet. That was also a thing.

Using a tremendous slingshot, the bear is thrown out of Earth's atmosphere and into the sun at immense speeds!
So, apparently I'm the sanest madman this side of the international date line. Seems legit.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby The Wild West Pyro on Sun Jun 08, 2014 10:20 pm

Endless Sea wrote:The fire fails to work, since the bear was just in a very cold freezer. And wet. That was also a thing.

Using a tremendous slingshot, the bear is thrown out of Earth's atmosphere and into the sun at immense speeds!


And it turns out the Enterprise intercepted it. DANG IT KIRK, Y U DO DIS?

Now, the bear is being used as phaser target practice.
FIRE!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Krika on Sun Jun 08, 2014 10:39 pm

However, the phasers are all set to stun, which, not being alive, does nothing to the bear.

After desecrating the cultural artifact with target practice, they return it to the planet, however a transporter malfunction places it next to an about-to-explode bomb on a testing site.
Krika
>Narra has tiny jerk people in her socks.
>We are affirming our collective jerkhood by committing genocide on them.
Guyshane
>I'm going to read the logs and pray that that sentence makes more sense in context
>No
>No it does not
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Dryunya on Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:34 am

It then absorbs the energy of the explosion, which is hand-waved by Star Trek technobabble about the transporter after-effects.

According to the same technobabble, its molecular structure is now unstable, and he can desintegrate at any moment. Maybe it was supposed to be a sequel hook? :|
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby The Wild West Pyro on Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:37 am

Dryunya wrote:It then absorbs the energy of the explosion, which is hand-waved by Star Trek technobabble about the transporter after-effects.

According to the same technobabble, its molecular structure is now unstable, and he can desintegrate at any moment. Maybe it was supposed to be a sequel hook? :|


Nope.

The Teddy Bear somehow wills itself together.

So I feed it to Godzilla.
FIRE!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Victin on Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:36 am

Godzilla eats you both, but it only has the ability to digest flesh, and the Teddy Bear is not flesh, so it comes out of Godzilla just like it came in.

... I call in a governmental agency in order to quarantine and sanitize the possibly radioactive Teddy Bear.
Dolphins are some of the smartest animals, yes, but by human standards… Let's say you should praise the god that forces them to stay handless and underwater.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby The Wild West Pyro on Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:01 am

Victin wrote:Godzilla eats you both, but it only has the ability to digest flesh, and the Teddy Bear is not flesh, so it comes out of Godzilla just like it came in.

... I call in a governmental agency in order to quarantine and sanitize the possibly radioactive Teddy Bear.


As they all die horriby, the Doctor materialises on top of it wearing a fez and bowtie duct-taped to a hazmat suit and busily starts irradiating it.

Seconds later, screams from him and Clara are heard coming from the TARDIS. They run out in shredded hazmat suits and their underwear and ask you to help.

You summon some of the Doctor's allies-Strax, ten legions of Sontarans, 50000 Ice Warriors, 30000 Judoon and Madame Vastra, plus two battalions of UNIT soldiers. You draw your Weapon Of Choice and rush in as the Doctor and Clara limp to a hospital.
FIRE!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Anura on Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:26 am

Everything you summoned starts fighting each other because they're far from the Doctor's allies, and certainly not friends of each other.

In the confusion, the Teddy falls into the Heart of the Tardis.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby The Wild West Pyro on Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:29 am

Anura wrote:Everything you summoned starts fighting each other because they're far from the Doctor's allies, and certainly not friends of each other.

In the confusion, the Teddy falls into the Heart of the Tardis.


Meanwhile the Master laughs at his mass brainwashing prank which has affected everyone in a huge radius, so everyone in Britain is now trying to kill each other with anything they can get their hands on, but that'll be dealt with when the Doctor comes back. Ignore this, by the way, it's got nothing to do with the bear. Focus on what happens to the bear.

The TARDIS immediately vomits the bear into a post-apocalyptic world. Along with you.
FIRE!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby IslaKariese on Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:01 pm

Well, the apocalypse already happened, so there's nothing here except the ruins of civilization.

Instead, in a fit of desperation, you take a bite out of the bear. It tastes awful.
The voices in my head tell me that we saved the world. However, they also told me that George Clooney's face is on the dollar bill, so... meh. The voices are more fun, anyway.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby The Wild West Pyro on Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:32 pm

IslaKariese wrote:Well, the apocalypse already happened, so there's nothing here except the ruins of civilization.

Instead, in a fit of desperation, you take a bite out of the bear. It tastes awful.


The Bear headbutts you. You get mad and start throwing rocks at it.
FIRE!
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Dryunya on Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:56 pm

Since the bear obviously can't headbutt you (he's a toy, duh), you were mad even before you started throwing rocks at him. So you were only throwing rocks in your mind.

When you come to your senses, you realize that you're alone in a wasteland, and there's nothing to eat but Teddy Bear. So you do exactly that.
I have attempted to suppress my inner hyperspace future gardener crying out against all the injustice I am committing.
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Re: The Immortal Teddy Bear

Postby Victin on Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:07 pm

Just like Godzilla you can't digest the Teddy Bear.

... You look disgusted at the Teddy Bear, and refuse to acknowledge its mere existence.
Dolphins are some of the smartest animals, yes, but by human standards… Let's say you should praise the god that forces them to stay handless and underwater.
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